One Side Of A Conversation With The Guy Who Sang “Joy To The World”

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Photo by and (c)2007 Derek Ramsey (Ram-Man) (Self-photographed) [GFDL 1.2 (http://www.gnu.org/licenses/old-licenses/fdl-1.2.html) or CC BY-SA 2.5-2.0-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5-2.0-1.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

How do you know his name is Jeremiah?  You’re actually friends?
Well, no, I imagine you don’t understand anything he says. So, how do you know he’s Jeremiah?  He’s a bullfrog, right?
Wait, where did he get wine?  How does he open the bottles? What do I mean? He has no thumbs. He’s a bullfrog, right?

It’s just fish. Not fishes.  Go on.

Wait. If you were king of the world, I understand getting rid of wars, but why cars? And, really why bars? I know you aren’t opposed to drinking. Because, you know you were bragging about a-drinking Jeremiah’s wine. And he’s really a bullfrog?
I’d rather not make love with you, but thanks for the offer.

Again, it’s just fish.

Wait, I don’t know you love the ladies. You just said you wanted to make sweet love to me.  Whatever your thing is, I’m fine with it. But you’re confusing me.

How do you ride a rainbow?  Is that the same thing as flying a high life. I really don’t follow.

You’re what? Oh a straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun. Sorry, didn’t hear you the first time.  It’s noisy here.

Fish. Just fish. Not fishes.

Yeah. Joy. I get it. I’m glad you are including boys and girls, but yeah, you’ve said “joy” like 90 times now.

So, when can I meet Jeremiah?

 

 

Ten Lesser Known Facts About US Presidents – #6 Will Surprise You!

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  1.  George Washington had a pet porcupine named Biscuit.
  2.  Thomas Jefferson invented the toaster.
  3. Martin Van Buren liked to eat bugs, particularly roly-pollies which he called “Nature’s delicious little mints!
  4. Everyone knows Abraham Lincoln was a lawyer. But did you know he specialized in class action litigation against haberdashers?
  5. Theodore Roosevelt liked to dress up as a bear and frighten children.
  6. BOOOOO! I trust that surprised you!
  7. John F. Kennedy appeared on Broadway in a The Importance of Being Earnest.  His co-star was named…..Lincoln. A descendant of John Wilkes Booth attended the premier, and thoroughly enjoyed the show.
  8. I hope you have recovered from your surprise over number 6. I trust it was not too much to bear.
  9. Ronald Reagan enjoyed reading James Joyce’s Ulysses aloud to staffers every morning.
  10. BOOOOO! Ha! You surely were surprised that time, as you had not been warned that #10 would surprise you! What fun we have!

Questions People Who Wear Shirts Are Tired Of Hearing

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  1. Where did you get that shirt?
  2. Do you have other shirts at home?
  3. My friend Jeff likes shirts. Do you know him?
  4. How much did that shirt cost?
  5. Why did you choose that color shirt?
  6. Is that shirt difficult to clean?
  7. How many shirts is too many?
  8. Is that shirt comfortable?
  9. Can I have your shirt for free?
  10. Did you know your shirt is on fire?
  11. Isn’t that the same shirt that the guy on the news who robbed the bank was wearing? Hey, aren’t you the guy who robbed that bank?
  12. Does that shirt make you hyper-sensitive to questions? It seems to.

 

Shirt photo By Fahad Faisal (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Denver Excited To Be Team To Be Beat By Carolina In Super Bowl

 

 

Manning prepares for enormous loss.  Photo by  Jeffrey Beall [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Manning prepares for enormous, soul shattering loss.  Photo by Jeffrey Beall [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
—Denver, Co

The Denver Broncos, fresh off their 20-18 win over New England in the AFC Championships, are preparing for the challenge of losing to Carolina in the Super Bowl.

“We can’t focus on yesterday’s win,” said Denver Quarterback Peyton Manning in a news conference this morning. “We have to plan and get ready to be beat in the Super Bowl. We are up for the job.”

The Carolina Panthers mercilessly thrashed the Arizona Cardinals 49-15 in the NFC championships, and went 15-1 in the regular season.

“Look, we are a great team. Peyton is a legend. But are we as good as the Panthers? Don’t be ridiculous,” said Broncos’ head coach Gary Kubiak.  “I mean, seriously.”

“I am looking forward to spending my final game as a professional football player getting beat and beat badly by Cam [Newton] and the stellar Panthers squad. It will be the perfect cap to my career,” Manning said.

“We all know we are going to get beat. We just hope to beat the spread,” Kubiak said.

Currently, Las Vegas odds makers favor the Panters by “eleventy billion and a half points.”

Super Bowl 50 is set to kick off February 7 at 6:30 p.m. Eastern.  It is scheduled to be over for all intents and purposes by 6:40.

 

2016 Predictions From A Person Who Is A Game Of Thrones Fan And Is Also Afraid Of Squirrels

 

 

Photo by K. D. Schroeder [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

1.  Jon Snow will be brought back to life by Melisandre, who will also become his lover.

2.  Bran Stark shall gain surprising powers after Hodor is slain by a bandit.

3.  Did you hear that?  Something is scratching in the attic. I don’t want to think about it.

4.  With counsel of Tyrion Lannister, Daenerys Targaryen will grow in strength and she will be poised to contend for the Iron Throne.  That will not come in 2016, but who can say for the future?

5.  Cersei Lannister will recover from her shame, and, with the help of her golem she will destroy the Sparrows and will regain her power in King’s Landing.

6.  That noise is terrifying! I know what it is!  There are probably 10 of them up there. Maybe 20!  At night they will make their way into the house and gnaw on me as if I were a giant acorn!  Make it stop!

7.  Arya will continue her training, and will gain true insight into her own powers and the nature of others. At this point, her vision will return, and she will be hailed as the true emissary of the Many-Faced god, placing her in a position to truly begin her campaign of revenge.

8.  Their white teeth shine in the darkness. Can’t you see!  Oh, you think they are cute. But they are not! They are diabolical rats who one day shall destroy us all.

9.  Theon Greyjoy and Sansa Stark will be recaptured by Ramsay Bolton.  Theon will redeem himself by sacrificing his life by attacking Bolton. This gives Sansa an opening to kill the sadist while he is distracted.

10.  You will not laugh when the uprising occurs. They are cunning and legion!  There are 20 of them for each of us, and that is more than enough! In the end, we will all be the servants of the squirrel overlords, and the days will be dark evermore.

11.  Hot Pie will be back!