— Hollywood, CA
The internet was abuzz yesterday as two llamas busted loose from a trailer in Sun City, Arizona and went on a mad spree, evading recapture for a period of time. This event mesmerized the nation. As a result, director Frank Darabont has announced he will be making a film based on the event. The film will be titled The Llamashank Redemption.
We have managed to obtain an exclusive early copy of an outline of potential dialogue and plot points to the film:
1. Llama initially wrongly captured, after having been framed as a sheep.
2. “I’d like to tell you those llamas got away. I’d like to tell you that.”
3. Cruel llama warden places llama in the hole, sheers them even when it is chilly
4. One older llama does escape, but is unable to assimilate into llama society, ultimately leading him to commit llamacide.
5. Llama curries favor with guards and warden by doing their taxes.
6. Llama gets in trouble by bleeting an aria for an opera to improve the morale of fellow llamas. This causes one llama to deliver this speech “I have no idea to this day what that llama was bleeting about. Truth is, I don’t want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I’d like to think he was bleeting about something so beautiful, it can’t be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, that bleeting soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful alpaca wandered into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last last llama in Llamashank felt free.”
7. Llama impresses fellow prisoners by getting guards to give them some delicious hay for the work they perform.
8. Escape effectuated by placing a sexy llama poster over a hole in the trailer.
9. White llama gets away. Years later black llama finds him at magical Mexican llama resort.
10. Stirring closing speech “Sometimes it makes me sad, though, that other llama being gone. I have to remind myself that some llamas aren’t meant to be caged. Their wool is just too wooly.. And when they run away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend. Who is a llama.”