— Washington, D.C.
In the wake of White House Press Secretary Jay Carney’s resignation to reportedly spend more time with his family, President Obama today announced a permanent replacement.
“When Jay resigned Friday, we announced that Deputy Press Secretary Josh Earnest would fill the job. Turns out too many people were making jokes about his last name, so we had to go a different direction,” the President said in an address to the White House press corps.
“Therefore, effective immediately, we have a new Press Secretary who will take over immediately,” Mr. Obama said pointing to an 8 foot tall Saguaro cactus sitting in a pot in the corner.
The cactus, identified as “Prickly Pete” had nothing to say at the briefing, but journalists indicating he appeared to be very thoughtful and would likely prove to be an appropriate liaison between the media and the White House.
Prickly Pete’s prior job was as spokesperson for the Sonora Desert Museum near Tucson, Arizona.
“We anticipate that Prickly Pete will be an excellent addition to the Administration,” Mr. Obama said. “And, while it will be difficult to fill Jay’s shoes, we do anticipate we will save the tax payers a lot of money with Pete, as our bottled water budget should fall dramatically. Say what you will about Jay, that guy was one thirsty fellow.”
Following these remarks, the President left the briefing room, and Prickly Pete took questions on the resignation of Department of Veterans’ Affairs Director Eric Shinseki and the release of U.S. Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl by the Taliban.
Pete declined to answer questions but did prick NBC News White House correspondent Chuck Todd in the nose causing irritation and laughter from other journalists present.